It seems, if you were brought here via the google search bar, that you are dealing with a spell of existential angst.

“Why am I here?’

That’s a heavy question. And unfortunately, I cannot provide you with a satisfying answer. You should be wary of anyone who does. But I do understand your dilemma, and perhaps I can give you some advice.

I mean hell, you’ve got nothing better to do… right?

What is the point?

That’s the general tone of your existence right now. Dissatisfaction with no direction. Minimal tools with no foundation. Intelligence with no application. The two difficulties that plague you the most can be broken down as follows:

i) How did I get here?

This was never the plan. There’s something greater in you, why hasn’t it actualized yet? Unless… there isn’t something greater. No, no that can’t be it. It’s the world we live in. This disjointed, antisocial, soul crushing world that has killed the light within you and replaced it with a dim, mechanized version of what you were supposed to be. An automaton that lives in your home and works your job. One that is better suited to this… post-beauty society that you ended up inheriting.

ii) Where do I go from here?

You don’t have to accept this, right? Onward and upward. Except… where is onward? And what is upward? Becoming a different cog in a machine that produces nothing on its one way trip to the end of all things? Maybe you should quit. Quit your job. Drop your responsibilities. There is something noble in refusing to participate in this charade of fools. But… you need food. You need shelter. You need medicine… damn it, your trapped! You have no choice but to participate. This is why you’ve been reduced to what you are! Why you haven’t done what you truly want to do!

So, perhaps your existentialism is edging towards nihilism. Why am I here? I came from nowhere and I’m going nowhere! You don’t have to go that deep. If you are already there, take a deep breath. It’s okay. A word of advice? Sink in to your depression for a while. Don’t let it consume you, but let it have its say. It’s there either way, you might as well look at it.

The good news.

Why am I here? The good news is, you are here. And despite the philosophical problems that existence is presenting you, that’s a blessing. But wait, there’s more! If you are feeling this way, that probably means you are in the process of developing as a human. You are becoming aware of new problems. You are looking inward for clarity, and you are looking outward for answers. That’s a beautiful thing. Take a moment to appreciate that.

Now, there is a lot more good news, depending on how you choose to shape your worldview. I won’t tell you how to do that, for I am not the authority on how one should see things. Your ancestors before you constructed religions, delved into philosophy, and engaged in rituals to help make sense of the world. All of human history is at your disposal, and finding the right answers for you is your journey. Again, be wary of anyone who tries to push these answers on you.

Depression as a tool.

In your current state of dismay, you are presented with an opportunity to address parts of you that exist far below the surface.

“Depression is not necessarily pathological. It often foreshadows a renewal of the personality or a burst of creative activity. There are moments in a human life when a new page is turned.” -Carl Jung

It seems, that in many cases, your subconscious self holds the key to many of the problems your conscious self is facing. Could it be that your current state of discontentment or even depression is your psyche’s way of forcing you to take your subconscious advice? Could it be that the answer to your question, “why am I here?”, exists in the lower levels of your mind?

Now, I am no psychologist. And there are many people far more equipped to educate on the issues of the mind than myself. I am, however, equipped to handle my own mind. And, some more good news, you are as well.

The mind is a messy, complex being. But one of the great joys of existence is that you have a lifetime to figure out how to best manage it. In your current existential position, you have an opportunity to better understand what makes you tick under the constructed surface level. Revel in that. Follow yourself down into the abyss, and come out the other side a more well-rounded being.

I will link this video that goes more in depth on how depression is a tool for self-growth. It’s well put together, and if you want a next step in your search for answers, this may be it:

Don’s Advice

Although this is your journey, I don’t want you to leave here feeling as though I didn’t provide any sort of guidance. So I’ll keep it simple, and direct. These are the practices I have in place for when I am feeling existential. When I find myself asking “Why am I here?”

1.) Stop blaming other people

Other people may share in the blame. For all I know, other people may be the cause of your dire situation. Who cares? They aren’t living your life, and holding them accountable for their actions is most likely a tremendous waste of time. Focus instead on the sins you are committing against yourself. What habits do you have that cause you shame? Why do you continue to participate in them? Are there healthier habits that you can form to replace them? This reassignment of attention from external anger to internal improvement will be much more productive and yield faster results.

2.) Stop demanding societal change

Part of your angst is derived from the many flaws you see in the world around you. Tragedy, unfairness, and evil seem to be running rampant in the world. Hence the “why am I here?”. Alas, even if you rage about the unfairness until your energy is spent, and then you recover and do it all again, daily, until you die, you will not have conquered and squashed the cold realities of existence.

Instead, I suggest you learn to master yourself, and do good and virtuous things when there is opportunity to do so. Society is what it is. It may not be great, but it is what we have right now. And you are wise to remember that revolution is messy and dangerous.

To dive a little deeper into this concept, I suggest reading my post about the art of not caring:

www.houseoflamont.com/the-art-of-not-caring

3.) Stop ignoring what makes you happy

Some things are just good. A cup of coffee in the morning. A conversation with a pretty girl. Swimming in a cool body of water. Endless more combinations of things that may make you happy. When you encounter these good things, stop overthinking for a second and just enjoy. If you can’t do that, practice it until you can. There is no reason to not find enjoyment in the simple and good. These things, whatever they may be, are simply good.

A final note.

I hope you find your way through this. I hope you do not let the cold realities of life turn you into some unredeemable monster. There is no excuse for that. I hope you understand that however hopeless you may feel, you are not the only one who feels that way, and many people have used the very same feelings you have as the fuel for their greatest feats. Take the time to find what you are missing and seek it out. Try and answer honestly, for yourself, “why am I here?”.